Reflecting on the First Year of Marriage: Challenges, Growth, and Gratitude

Our wedding day

Y'all...we made it to the first anniversary...but here's the truth, we learned that was not a guarantee just because we said "I do". Did anyone tell you the first year of marriage was hard? Or just marriage in general? Cause we will. If it includes job loss, illness, fear, blame, voices and a battle of miscommunication, you are not on a walk in the park

Y'all, last year sucked, 2024 specifically. And we got married in it! Join me on this journey...Think back to February 2024, I had surgery the day before his birthday. I lost my job a week after that. 1.5 months later, I got a tear in my cornea 5 days before we walked down the aisle.

I got plantar fasciitis on our honeymoon. Who gets that on their honeymoon? We also got stalked by pirates and the fish I caught was clipped free so nobody could get it. And THAT was the best story from our honeymoon. The resort had terrible food, we arrived the night a cyclone of some sort was hitting, our resort was at the end of the island which was basically the last stop for fresh produce and an ungodly amount of money via a taxi. 7 days was too long we said. But we were coming back to opportunity...or so we thought.

I got back on that job hunt, and I even got a verbal offer on a job. I got ghosted by the person who made the offer. Who gets ghosted AFTER they get married? I thought I had officially graduated from ghosting...turns out cowards exist not just on dating apps, but in job applications too.

I got a chronic, debilitating illness that took me out of commission for 4.5 months. I'll give the details in a keynote, still recovering from the trauma of it, so I'm not quite ready to put in writing.

I had to take unemployment. We were going through our savings. We were getting though it and getting by, but we were not walking in step. I started a friggin’ business.

Our walls started caving in around us.

Our marriage felt like it was crumbling beneath us.

But we had still, the one thing and only thing, that people yearn for in relationships...we had communication. It was hard a lot. It was missed and mixed up a lot. Voices got louder. Things were said that can't be unsaid.

It was a shitty, shitty 2024.

But we worked and fought those voices that drove us at each other.

The voice in my head who laid blame on me for every part of our situations. The voice that whispered every time he shared disappointment or frustration, "it's you he's talking about. you are the reason." The voice that whispered in his ear "you were here before with someone else, don't let it happen again."

Oh my god!! Those voices are the worst! And we finally told the voices within our own heads to shut the hell up and then we held each other and whispered to each other's voices "we can do this together. we can do these hard things. I will combat your demons, as long as you will fight mine"

So that first year of marriage that included job loss, new business, ailments and illness, pirates, and voices was hard.

And we are here to share with you, it isn't easier, but once the voices are quieter, the communication gets clearer. The vision and goals get clearer. The path, though always surprising, isn't so lonely this time around. And it will bend in directions you never expected, some are exciting and some are scary, but we made sure we fought hard against those headwinds so that we did not and will not break.

So it was hard. And it was worth it. I'll fight for this life every damn day. Even if that means, fighting with voices from mouths we cannot see.

Celebrating 1 year and many more to come!

And to my husband, you were the best surprise I have ever been given. You once asked me "why do you love me?" and my response, without pausing, without thinking was and still is today, "because the best parts of you, fill the spaces inside of me and make me better."

You are and will always be, my human bernadoodle.

Us and our bernadoodles.